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It all begins with love

This last weekend was all about self care.

After what has felt like a crappy, unproductive week, after the 2 month anniversary of my mum’s passing hit me more than I expected, it has been a more than welcome end to the week.

Do I feel guilty for not working when I should be? Some, especially with customers who’ve been waiting longer than that 2 months for completion of their work.
Do I feel guilty for leaving my 3 year old crying today because I’ve gone out early for the 2nd morning? Again, some!

But both my children and my customers will benefit more in the long run from a healthy, happy, more centred and emotionally healed mum/me than they will if I keep running on empty and burn out. Seeing the bigger picture, the future for me and my family, is fundamental to this journey I am on 💜

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Life changes

rainbow

rainbowMy Lord where do I start? What do I say?

Well I don’t want to write too much, it’s too hard, but I do need to share something here and post about my absence. I know I don’t have to, however it’s been big and writing something will help.

Four weeks ago my mum died. I have mentioned her a couple of times this year, the last time was to share how she’d been poorly and we were concerned. Well back in June cancer was discovered and within 4 weeks she had sadly passed away.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to explain all the feelings and emotions that go through you when your hear a doctor say those words. So much, so many. First of all given her dementia condition it made the prognosis poor, but they did decide to perform a minor operation in the hopes she would be able to eat again and regain some strength. At the end of June she was readmitted to hospital just over a week from the diagnosis and I dropped all things here in West Yorkshire and travelled by train with my 3 year old to go and stay with my dad.

His own condition of macular degeneration makes things hard from a different point of view. As the Teeny Girl and I stayed with him we helped him with small day to day tasks, but he showed great resilliance and ingenuity to carry out many things, and together we did things like make fruit bread in his bread machine and cooked hotpot and savoury mince to my mum’s recipe.

That morning on the 9th July when he came into me at 5.30am to say my mum had gone was like nothing else. Torn between sadness, relief at her no longer suffering, concern for how my dad would cope, and knowing within a week I’d get to see my hubby and 2 bigger girls again, was a massive mix of emotions.

Of course in the middle of it all massive work based things happened. That’s the side of self employment. It was awesome to be able to just drop and go and be with my dad. To be able to take an amount of work with me and to be able to continue some of the admin jobs like updating shops and social media. I opened a shop on a brand new site just a week after joining my dad. I wanted to be so excited about it, but it was tinged with the fact I couldn’t just focus on that and learn the new platform. I continued working on my other new shop is opened in May on the nuMonday platform where for now all custom orders will be taken. Finally I also upgraded this site so that I will eventually be able to move some of my shop and sales over here for more complex items, especially adult wear.

I’d like to take one final minute to thank the wonderful customers that I received orders from to be made in time for winter, but without the pressure to make and ship while I was away from home. These orders enabled me to have the means to go at a moments notice to catch the train and rush to be with my dad during this hard time and visit my mum as much as I was able in her last weeks.

So, that’s it. One huge update on where I have been and what is going on and now after a few weeks spent regrouping and reassessing plans I’m back and ready to show you great things 💜

Much love and blessings

Davina 💜

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Trying to work it all out

Never underestimate the work going on in the back ground of a small business/entrepreneur/mompreneur. Much of which we are doing in our ‘free time’.

IMG_20170814_094207_254I seem to spend most of my days at the moment writing lists and working out plans for how and when I can do things. A lot of these plans are dependant on how much income I get from my businesses, and January and February have a reputation for being quiet.

I literally have no new orders at the moment, which is unusual for me, and only a couple of outstanding ones to work on. On the plus side this is giving me time to work on some new things, which is part of the bigger plan, but the quiet time does mean I can’t follow through just yet on working further on those bigger plans, like setting up my website or buying new equipment to set up my video work.

Times like this have made me feel like I should give it all up, it’s time to go out and find a ‘proper’ job which is reliable, but then I’d be more limited on what I could do with the Big, Small and Teeny girls home education, in fact that possibly wouldn’t even be an option. So as I watch my Small girl playing football, and take my Big girl swimming, and see the Teeny girl at our local messy play group, I remember this is why I have chosen this life, and I work all the more at trying to work out how I can best serve people who will support me in my businesses.

If reading this consider taking a look around my Etsy Store and picking up something that this week will help me take my kids to their various activities and maybe even move that website forward. Or if organic skin care and natural products are more your thing, be sure to check out my Neals Yard replica site 

Much love and gratitude to you all

Davina

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A hard week

Hey all you lovely people. This is a deep and personal piece from me today, but I feel I need to share to ease the inward emotions and turmoil. You know sometimes, despite all the best intentions and inner work and self care, life has some lessons to teach you that you’re not necessarily ready for.

Last week was one of those weeks. My super supportive and enduring mum is 81 years old next month. For some time now she’s been suffering the effects of dementia, Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. Over the last few weeks my dad, himself 82, has seen a deterioration in her, and last week he was concerned enough to start asking for more help.

Having to face their mortality this last week has been a lesson to me, a lesson in my own feelings towards life, and towards death. I am hoping that the medical assistance she’s been getting for a few days will alleviate some of the recent problems, infection can after all play games with the mind, especially of the elderly. However, I do have to accept that at 80 years old she is not going to live forever in this world and what does that mean for me?

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have mixed feelings about my mum. Society and association she had when I was a child, meant she did certain things she went on to regret, namely disciplining me physically and my being left as a toddler to cry myself to sleep at night. This has caused me feelings of resentment over the years. I’ve never denied her motherly love for me, or my daughterly love for her, she has just been super supportive of everything I’ve ever done, but I did feel hurt for those early years, I have to admit it.

However, a few months ago I was loaned a fabulous book You Can Heal Your Life by the late Louise Hay. In this she talked about forgiveness and how important it is to forgive those who hurt us. She talked about how children choose the parents they will born to, and how if you feel your parents did wrong by you, then you need to seek the lesson that taught you and feel forgiveness in your heart. Well, do you know what I did when I first read that? I shut the book! I shut the book, and thought ‘no, nope, I am not accepting that’. I didn’t even realise just how strong that resentment was until that moment. This idea that my soul had chosen to come and be hurt in ways that still affected me so deeply? No, I wasn’t accepting that.

So I closed the book and never planned on completing it, I didn’t think it was right for me. Over the course of the next few days those words and some other wise words I was listening too and ready in my self-help, self care journey, made me meditate deeply on those feelings that had come up, and do you know what I found? I found forgiveness! I realised that YES, I had chosen my mum to be my mum, because she needed the wild spirit that was in me to lighten and brighten her life. And me? I needed those harsh early lessons in my life to teach me a better way. So that when my children’s souls chose me as a mum, I would find a more gentle approach to my parenting.

In all of my childhood experiences my dad and one of my older sisters taught me about peace, patience and long suffering, and I found happiness and kindness. Now when I think of that elderly lady lying in her hospital bed, telling my dad over and over how much she loves him, I see the loving and caring mum who was in there being forced by society to be hard on a free spirited and strong willed little girl, and I am more determined than ever to show my girls that love, respect and compassion that is deep inside my mum.

Whatever you do and however you feel about your parents, remember without them you wouldn’t have life, and without life you wouldn’t be able to find the joy that is always there, just a breath or a thought away <3

Much love

Davina <3

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Motivational Monday

quote-1460228_640 I am keeping myself motivated for the coming week with some happy inspirational quotes, affirmations and thoughts and I want to share some with you all.

I have come a long way in the last 2 months in my own mindfulness and self care, and it is showing in my life, my house, my family and of course my businesses. I have been actively finding gratitude for everything, even for the seemingly negative, like drinking too much wine last night and staying up having a Facebook argument, oops! What do I possibly have to be grateful for, waking up late, with a toddler and 6 year old climbing on me fighting for cuddles, and a slight headache to boot? How could I possible find positives in that?

Well, just a few short months ago I’d have let that set me up for a negative start to the week, I’d have complained about it in a negative way and I’d have stated on my Social Media that that was just typical for a Monday, even though I always take time for myself on a Monday, I’d have still used it negatively.

chalkboard-1927332_640So how can I have found happiness and been grateful for the late start, headache and noisy shouting kids? First of all, 2 of my beautiful children were fighting over loving me! They just wanted to cuddle me so tight, and how can I not love and be happy about that <3 The reason for the extra wine last night? Celebrating a HUGELY successful week, more orders in one week than I’ve taken since the start of the year, more opportunities for the coming week, and knowing this is only the beginning of my awesome journey into making life better for all those around me! I can’t help but be grateful for the slight physical reminder of how happy I was last night. And of course I have been out of that noise and chaos all day, so I made the most of the cuddles while I had them. I also got to eat the best hangover cure in my local town hall cafe, bacon, egg and mushrooms in gluten free bread, so I wasn’t going to be feeling any worse!

As for the Facebook argument? Well I’m owning that mistake! I am using it as a reminder that I should not be going on Social Media after I’ve turned my computer and got ready for bed, that one slip into an old habit does not mean I have to stop all my new habits and become my old self again. I am still making steps forward to a better, happier life everyday. One slip into an old habit, does not mean you’re screwed forever! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and carry on being the best you you can be, and then be even better!

motivational-999247_640I cannot wait to share more of my dreams and plans over the coming months, for now I’ll leave you with one more thought. Make sure you look after you, make your space bright and fill it with what makes you happy, whether it’s your car, your office, your kitchen, or some other room in your house, or even just your desk at work, make it so every time you see it, it makes YOU smile 😀

Write down every little thing, every day that has made you smile, made you happy, brought you joy or peace, and know if you do this every single day, you will start to be the happiest YOU! (OK that might have been 2 more thoughts ;-P <3 )

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Have a fabulous week everyone

Much love and peace to you all

Davina <3