Find the Joy
This photo makes my heart hurt a little. A year ago today the Teeny Girl and I headed off for what would be almost a month in Cumbria to be with my mum, for the final time, and support my dad.
There are so many mixed feelings around this. We had a really beautiful summer, weather wise, Teeny Girl and I had some very happy times together, I loved spending time with my dad in a way I never had before (the 3 youngest members of our respective sibling groups, we just had a pretty awesome time). But of course there were daily trips to see my mum, worry when she went to have surgery 40 miles away, sadness when she stopped eating again and we knew it was close to her passing, and finally that morning not quite 3 weeks later at around 4.30am when my dad came in to say she’d left this physical reality.
Within 1 month I’d have been through all this, and more, and come out the other side ready to be a stronger, happier, even more resilient person. I faced demons from my past head on, I opened up channels to becoming even more self-aware, and I lived to tell the tale.
One of the hardest lessons to becoming a happier person is finding the life lessons from these experiences that will bring more joy to your life. I know for a fact my mum would want everything for me that I am currently working towards. She would be proud of how I have come through the other challenges the last 12 months invariable threw at me, and she is still with me in spirit to guide me along the way, along with so many other guides and helpers, both in life and in spirit.
I didn’t mean for that to turn into a blog worth post when it popped up in my Facebook memories, but sometimes when the words start to come it’s good to not stop them, it’s part of the life healing process, and it’s part of who I am. So aside from making my heart hurt a little, that photo brings me great swirls of joy too, because I choose to see life that way 💜
With love mum, you taught me more than you ever knew in this life time, and I am the person I am in a large part thanks to you 💞